What are we really passing to our children?

A friend proposed this question the other day that made me resonate on my priorities as a parent. In light of what we see in our society, have we taught and passed on to our children the social skills and people's insights necessary to navigate life? And do they understand them so that they can be passed on to their children or is that even necessary?

As we become mature, we often ponder significant memories to determine their meaningfulness. Yet, the legacy of one's life leaves us with unforgettable memories that have a far reaching affect as we venture into uncharted territories of life. For instance, how often do you hear this comment when a child behaves like his parent, "he is just like his father" or "the apple does not fall far from the tree"?

In 2015, I was attending a True Growth Leadership conference at Fort Leavenworth of which my homework assignment on this night consisted of writing down my crucibles/experiences and then grasp lessons that I learned from each. As I recalled the death of my father, I found myself crying profusely. I was remembering certain events of my life and realizing that I will never see him again. At that moment of realization I re-evaluated my priorities. This exercise of evaluating my crucibles and experiences was to create my life values and a purpose. Yet, this thought provoking exercise allowed me to realize the value of having a father who provided me a true blueprint for life. While my mind flooded with memories, I noticed that each crucible uncovered a lesson learned more than my successes. This exploration of each memory led to a common conversation of which my father reminded me over and over when I failed. “Athletes are not born but are made. If athletes were born, you will be one since your mother and father were all-state players, but athletes are made. So you must put the work in your game.” As my basketball coach in high school, when I failed to perform as expected he reminded me that I lacked the birthrights for success so I must work toward success. Oh, how I missed his candid way of saying things just to make me work harder. These crucibles enabled me to recognize that my father’s values had formulated my success in all areas of my life. Whether educationally, spiritually, socially, and mentally, I am who I am today, all reflected from his values. So I decided that my core purpose in life will consists of seeking perpetual optimism through innovative ways in helping others. His example as an educator/coach left an impact on many of his former students who claimed that “your father was like a father to me” or “if your father didn’t intervene in my irresponsible behavior, I have no clue where I will be now.” These meaningful comments inspired me to become that liked apple from his tree. By experiencing his values I recognized the need to continue his legacy with my particular values. 

1) Observant of Opportunities 

2) Stay mentally stimulated 

3) Just Do It 

4) Think Favorably 

5) Servant Attitude

Observant of opportunities infuses ones’ willingness to engage opportunities beyond the norms. Oftentimes individuals become too focus on self-advancement without realizing opportunities can materialize from unlikely sources. Usually, an opportunist has a negative connotation because he takes advantage of any situation to improve self. However, I desire to seek opportunities to serve. Staying mentally stimulated creates innovation. Thus, innovation allows one to take risk through opportunities leading to the motto - Just Do It. These three values occur simultaneously when I think favorably with a servant attitude while understanding that life is more than self-gain but an opportunity to give. The Scripture emphasizes this same process using the ingredient of love.

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. Ephesians 5:1–2 MSG

Therefore, a parent who provides the necessary know-how for his child to navigate through life really reflects on the parent’s purpose in life. If the parent decision-making process resembles a selfish (me-first) mentality then his child will emulate the same while enabling a narcissistic mindset. Whereas, the parent who lives a purpose driven life inclusive of love toward others, his child will imitate the same qualities. This child will manage to navigate through life with insightfulness and significance while passing the same legacy for the next generation. Mainly, the behavior of the parent necessitates the truthfulness about life and the worthiness of passing similar traits. My best analogy of this process is that the apple always falls right under the apple tree.

Known by God

“What if we begin to center all conversation about love and sexuality on Agape as the wellspring and the beingness of all relational authenticity and respect? What if we reject Eros as false, as the objectification of the other for the erotic encounter in which the self is served? What if Agape is the ground of all authentic face-to-face intimacy, sexual and otherwise, and is a celebration of the flow of other-centered, self-giving love? Then knowing and being known make sense, and the depths of authentic relationship become essential to sexual expression.”   

By William Paul Young in Lies We Believe About God.

I totally agree with the author, William Young that as sin-prong humans we tend to think that God focuses more on decorum rather than our ability to establish an intimate relationship with Him. We think that God desires performance as an appearance of righteousness instead of reflecting on our innate ability to love. Even the Savior emphasized the ability to truly love when questioned about which commandment is the greatest by stating, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.” (Matthew 22:37 KJV) What if we place our center of gravity on loving God instead of selfish itinerary that takes us further and further from our true divine purpose? Intimacy will drive us to spend more than a few hours of worship on Sunday and an hour or two on Wednesday night. Intimacy will move us toward an understanding of God’s existence in our current lives and shift us to comprehend our relationship with Him from an eternal realm perspective. For instance, William Young in his writing (Lies We Believe About God) described God as PERICHORESIS which means mutual interpenetration without loss of any individual person. Therefore, PERICHORESIS represents the nature of God as Three Persons in complete Oneness. Likewise, as beings created in the image of this oneness, we, too, can enable our ability of completeness by surrendering to intimacy with our Creator, simultaneously retaining our individuality or uniqueness.  Subsequently, this surrendering allows us to remain who we are without rendering to self-centeredness, leading to selfish intent. In other words, we can forfeit the “me, myself, and I” syndrome, and forsake the need to acquire everything with an unwillingness to share. Yet, intimacy with God will give us the ability to share the same intimacy with others. Then once we reach this state of completeness we will grasp the true meaning of "Then shall I know even as also I am known." (I Corinthians 13:12)

by Brina Baker